Are you helping or spoiling him?

Today's Quote (Rick Godwin):
 

You can help others when you do for them what they can't do for themselves, but not when you do for them what they won't do for themselves!

如果你为他做他无法胜任的事,那是真正帮助了他;

如果你为他做他不愿意去做的事,那不是帮助了他 (也许是害了他呢!)

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This is especially true in a family situation. When a parent helps a child, you need to know whether he or she is not capable to do it or just simply lazy to do it. We propagate "helping is a virtue". It can only be true if your child truly needs that help, he or she is not escaping from responsibilities.

在家庭中,这种情况更是普遍.父母要帮孩子的时候,我们必须知道孩子没有能力做好那件事,或是他根本就是偷懒不肯去做.我们提倡"帮助人是一种美德".这句话的真实性在于你的孩子真正`需要帮助,而非他在逃避责任.

Financial needs are the same. We would put our money in things we value the most. It may be investments, savings, a car, a house, children's education, IT gadgets, charities etc. In real life, everyone has limited resources. We need to prioritize our spending. Financial help should be given to those who are genuinely in need, not to those who are unwilling to spend their money on it, while choosing to spend on something less important. 

财务需要也是一样.我们通常把金钱花在自己认为重要的东西;譬如投资,储蓄,房车,屋子,孩子的教育,科技产品,慈善等等.在现实生活中,我们拥有的资源是有限的.  我们必须在消费上有优先次序.我们提供财务帮助,因为他真正需要帮助,而不是把钱花在不太重要的事物上,又期盼别人来资助他.

Just to give an example. A father may spend a huge sum on a good restaurant dinner but find it a struggle to buy text books for the children. Should we help by giving him money to buy the text books? This may be needed in the short term to help the children. Helps can be in various forms and could have more lasting effect. Should we send him for a financial planning and budgeting course? Should we share with him how to prioritize his spending? Should we help in building a responsible value system in him?

就举个例子来说明吧!一名父亲花一笔可观的数目去酒楼享受一顿丰富的晚餐,却无法给孩子买学校的书本. 我们应该给钱他去买书本吗?  这也许能帮孩子解决暂时的教育问题.可是帮助也能够有其他有较长远好处的方法.我们应该送他去上财务规划和管理的课程吗?我们能跟他分享如何有优先次序的花费吗?还是帮助他建立一个有责任感的价值观?

Next time before we offer help, pause and think whether we are actually "helping" or "spoiling" the person.

改次当我们要帮助别人之前,让我们停下来想一想,我们是"帮助"了他?还是"宠坏"了他呢?