Parenting By Examples
Children Imitate
One of the key characteristics of children is that
they love imitate. Whatever they see and hear, there is some kind of urge
within them to follow the example. Child psychologists believe that children
learn to imitate at a very young age.
Imitation is the way that children learn about
themselves, other people and their environment. When they see how adults and
older children behave, they will quickly learn what the acceptable behaviors in
the family and at schools are. Similarly, they learn how to take care of
themselves by observing how others are taking care of themselves. Adults tend
to make verbal instructions to help children learn the right actions at the
right time. But do you realize that our actions speak much louder than words.
This is especially so in the case of children. Simple tasks like not eating
foods drop to the ground, washing hands before meals and changing clothes when
they get dirty are more imitating actions rather than listening to instructions.
Parents spend the most time with young children
At this tender age, who are the people these children
are contacting each day? Before they go to school, they probably spend most of
their time inside the house with parents, relatives and nanny. Without you
knowing it, your child is watching at you very closely and modeled the
behaviors and beliefs after you. Sounds scary, right? The impact you have upon
the child is much greater than you think. Your way of life creates permanent
images that will shape this little life for many years to come.
Parenting skills are progressively learned
As parents, I have no doubt of your love for your
children. You probably try your best to take good care of their physical,
emotional and spiritual development needs. However, we aren’t perfect. Despite
of our best effort to love them in utmost good faith, we may not have enough
knowledge and experiences to fulfill our parental role wisely. This is
especially true when we have our first child. We make mistakes (sometimes they can
have terrible impact on the child’s life) as we pick up parenting skills along
the way.
We learn to love our children responsibly and
consistently.
1) Good Relationships within Family
Members
One of the common mistakes parents make is being
unaware of how your relationships with each other, with your parents and other
family members are also part of your child’s life. Sometimes it is wiser to
shield your young children from emotional and psychological harm by not showing
the strife and hurt happening in the adult world. These young souls are just
not ready to make any sense out of the complicated and dysfunctional
relationships. They can pick up your attitudes and emotions easily and that
creates insecurity within them. Your bitterness and resentment are
strangely passed down to the young generations, sometimes without valid
reasons. When you realize that you have made a mistake, it is always a good
idea that you courageously admit your wrong doing and communicate your remorse
and sorry honestly with all family members.
2) Show the Children that You Take Good
Care of Yourself
When we are parents, we tend to focus our attention
on what’s the best for our children. Naturally we are slowly and consistently
neglecting our own needs. We need to remember that your children and the family
are depending on you physically and emotionally. Parents can have the
false guilt when they enjoy their lives as if they are committing an
unforgivable sin to relax and pay attention on their needs. Family psychologists
think otherwise. When you show your children that you love and take good care
of yourself, it is an excellent way to teach them self-esteem. You need to plan
for some activities of your own interests like going for a singing session with
old friends or having a romantic candle light dinner with your spouse. You are
living with example to demonstrate that you are a human with own interests and
needs. Your children have to understand and respect that without manipulating
your guilt conscience. This will also help them to model this important
parenting skill from you when they are ready to be parents next time. In fact,
it is also a test to see whether the children can do well without you with them
for a while.
3) Show the Children that you and Your Spouse are
in Love
I have seen many cases of tragic marriage where the
mother focuses her attention fully on the children and continually neglects her
relationship with the husband. Some husbands become angry and moody. They
punish the children often for no good reason. Some husbands give up on the
marriage and start having affairs with other women outside. Remember, husband
and wife is first and foremost a loving couple, then you learn to be good and
responsible parents. Nurturing the marriage relationship is essential in
bringing up a healthy family. You communicate in a positive and healthy
manner with your spouse, and show love and affection for one another. Your
loving relationship teaches your child at the early years on what a healthy
marriage should be like.
The Wooden Bowl Story
Let me share a short Chinese story to drive the point
home.
Once upon a time, in a village lived a couple. They
lived with their only young son and an elderly mother. The old mother’s hands
were weak that she could not hold a bowl properly. She broke a few porcelain
bowls. The daughter-in-law complaint and made the mother a wooden bowl and
asked her to have her meals outside the house.
Few years passed, the old mother died. At the burial,
the couple threw the wooden bowl away. The young son quickly picked it up and
asked, “Dear mom and dad, why did you throw the wooden bowl away?” The mother
said, “We do not need it anymore. Your grandma has passed away.” The young son
replied, “Mom. Please do not waste the wooden bowl. I want to keep it for you
to use when you are older. I just need to make another wooden bowl for dad. “
Attitude is passed down to your children without you
even noticing it.
Do As I Say and As I Do
Very soon you’ll realize that your children are
patterning many of their behaviors, attitudes and actions after your own. To be
responsible and loving parents, we are to ensure what we say and what we do
around the children will build a strong sense of security and self esteem.
Like Mother
Teresa, she walks her talk
