How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

I don’t know about you, I have always been discouraged by the fact that I am making new year’s resolution every year and subsequently finding myself breaking them one by one. I can imagine many of you nodding your heads in agreeing with me. J

Well, there is really no easy answer to this problem. As human beings, we are filled with different commitments and unforeseen challenges coming along, we quickly switch to “fire fighting” mode and tiring ourselves in the process. At the end of it all, we may even feel "satisfied" because we manage to put off the fires somehow. The least thing that would cross our minds is the fact that we have spent so much time and effort in these urgent stuffs and therefore unconsciously put aside the “important” and “prioritized” things which we resolute to accomplish at the beginning of the year.

I am a profess Christian and disciple of Jesus Christ, I resolute to keep my appointments with God everyday. I must say this is definitely not easy especially when various demands come from all spheres of life, including family, work, church and friends. Yes, I confess that I skip my quiet time with the Lord too. Thank God that His grace is sufficient for me, His sustaining power strengthens me to pick that up and start again.

This experience of God’s empowerment and sustaining grace are not limited to my spiritual walk with Him. They are available for my daily practical life too. I budget my expenses every year, sub-divide them into manageable monthly figures. I find it easier to manage family finances when I resolute to put aside a sum every month for tithing and charity work. These are important priorities for me and my family. Of course, tell you frankly, I also slipped in certain months. However, due to my commitment to God and the resolutions, I usually manage to “make good” in the next few months.

Just spend a few moments to imagine how the course of your life could change for the better if you followed through on your resolutions until you achieved your goals!

Change Your Thinking

It's very possible to overcome your habit of giving up on New Year's resolutions with a few basic tips. Above all else, avoid regarding your resolutions as something to aspire to and then forgetting them when they no longer seem pertinent or interesting. New Year's resolutions can be extremely enriching and self-improving if you find a way to maintain them throughout the year.

What I am going to share with you here may not be very “spiritual”, but they do help me to sustain the new year resolutions.

Here are some tips for keeping your resolutions:

1.     Make a commitment. You must be willing to make a strong commitment to change in order for your resolutions to be successful. Believe that, by the grace of God, you can, and will, accomplish what you set out to do. If you give yourself unwavering support, then you'll bolster that belief and achieve what you seek.

·       Choose New Year's resolutions that you genuinely want to achieve. Make positive resolutions and focus on the positive aspects of achieving them.

·       Tell everyone you know about your resolutions. When everyone knows what you're setting out to achieve, they can help hold you accountable.

 

·       Plan ahead rather than choosing your resolutions at the very last moment. The longer you spend planning and preparing for your resolution goals, the better the results will be.

2.     Have realistic expectations. Continued motivation is the key to achieving your goals. If you set the bar too high, then you also set yourself up for failure, which can be profoundly de-motivating for you.  

·       Aim realistically, rather than too high. Give yourself a challenge, but not so much of a challenge that you end up setting yourself up for inevitable failure. 

·       If you plan on setting similar resolutions as last year, consider first and foremost why last year's resolutions failed. If your resolutions didn't work last time, then determine why in order to avoid a repeat performance.  

3.     Write down your goals. When you put your resolutions into writing, you make them real. You put your commitment down on paper. Put your goals where you can see them, in written form, so you won't forget what you're setting out to achieve this year.  

4.     Plan out your goals. Articulating what you intend to achieve this year is a big part of setting resolutions, but planning how to achieve them is a completely different story. Write down a plan for each resolution that you want to achieve rather than simply hoping for the best.  

5.     Give your goals flexibility. Not everything is going to work out exactly the way you planned, so be flexible in the goals that you set. Avoid allowing rigid resolutions to throw you off track if something doesn't go quite how you planned it. Try to predict what challenges you may face, and create a contingency plan for those challenges just in case.

Bottom Line 

You can keep your New Year's resolutions if you start with your commitment to the Lord Himself. And then you do a little bit of planning and preparing ahead of time. Just like any goal setting process, the key is to be realistic about your goals and the challenges you may face in trying to achieve them. The more realistic and flexible you are, the more likely you'll be to achieve your goals.

Offer a thankful heart in this Christmas season

 

"It's Christmas period again!" I seem to hear many people saying this when December draws near. What comes after this sentence can be very different though.

"It's time to clear my year-end leave and spend long hours to catch up with my lack of sleep."
"It's time to go shopping! Christmas sales are everywhere now."
"Must go to Hong Kong (Or Singapore) to see the beautiful Christmas lights."
"It's a good time to send Christmas cards to old friends to ctach up with them."
"So and so shopping centre has such beautiful Christmas decorations, you must go and see."

In church, we hear people saying different things too.
"It's the busiest period of a year."
"Let's plan a Christmas play and get our people involved."
"Why don't we sing carols in shopping centres?"
"It's time of giving. Why don't we buy presents and give to the less fortunate in the society?"
"Let's go door-to-door carol singing in our neighbourhood."
"We should invite friends to come for our Christmas service."
"I am so tired every year in this period. How I wish I can just rest and not to get involved in any program at all."

Christmas can mean different things to different people. People enjoy the different activities for different reasons. I was told that there had been a survey carried out many years back, asking people what actually happen on Christmas eve. The answers were highly unexpected. The highest score went to "loosing virginity". Coming from an Asian culture, the result was just plain shocking.

What actually Christmas should mean to us?

In the midst of all our busyness, going around to "do" Christmas, we forget the true meaning of this festive season and the reason for our celebration.

As for me, Christmas is a time for thanksgiving:

• Th precious gift of God's Son, Jesus Christ, came to this world;
• A blessed (not perfect though) family;
• Grace and strength each time when I walk through the valley of my life;
• Friends with whom I could share lives together;
• A great church which I could grow and serve in.

etc, etc, etc......................

There is never enough space to be thankful about little things in our lives. 

I must say, most people tend fill their precious time in murmuring. The complaints are filled with so much sarcaism and anger that it makes hearers uncomfortable. It is indeed courageous to point out wrongs which lead to correction and improvement. I just cannot take people who complain all the time and yet they don't want to make any effort (or inconvenient themselves) to make good the situation. Shouting beautiful words and slogans may create much excitement ( and sometimes it is absolutely necessary to create awareness of the wrongs). I am a practical person, I like to spend time in making a difference in one soul (well, may be more than one if situation permits) at a time.

In this beautiful Christmas season, let us put on a new attire of thanksgiving and see what the Lord can do to change us and the people around us.

How to find the road to forgiving

I knew of a friend who has not forgiven her mother-in-law who made her life miserable and spoke all kinds of lies that nearly ruined her marriage with the husband. She is now in her 70’s and the mother-in-law has passed away decades ago. She still feels the pain and anger when spoken of the relationship. She holds on unforgiveness tightly in her hands and never want to let go.

Experts say the path to wellness begins with forgiving. However, you may very well wonder, "How do you go about truly forgiving someone when they've grievously hurt you?" Christians believe that forgiveness is the only way to live an abundant life. As we receive forgiveness from the Lord each day, we also make a conscious decision to forgive those who have wronged us. In fact it is the Lord Jesus who taught us to pray like this, “…….forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us…..” 

If you're willing and able to work on your emotional focus and release any desire for revenge, you have an honest chance of attaining your objective. While the memory of what was done will remain with you, you can still "forget" by putting the past behind you and moving forward.

Follow these five vital steps to be able forgive: 

1.      Praying. This is the first step to forgiving someone you’ve been wronged. We are too weak emotionally to begin a forgiving process. We need spiritual strength from God to enable us to let go of the hatred, bitterness and anger deep within.  

2.      Acknowledging. A very important step to forgiving is acknowledging and accepting that you've been wronged. You must accept what has happened and find a way to live with it. The worse obstacle if to live in denial. Acknowledgement and acceptance is the starting point for moving your life forward in a positive direction.

3.      Healing. It's important to give yourself adequate time to heal. The amount of time you need to experience relief from your pain varies; each person heals differently.

 

    Do not rush and want to get the healing result fast. If possible, you may want to try to limit your time with the person that hurt you while you reflect and heal.

4.     

4.  Revitalizing your relationship. All relationships, whether romantic or completely platonic, need nurturing in order to thrive. If you ignore nurturing your relationship for too long because you're upset, it's likely to wither away.   

Once you've gone through the healing process and ready to face the person and start anew again, you may begin by spending time together. Go out for dinner, hang around your house or just spend a day together at the park. The location is of little importance, but the company is essential to revitalizing your relationship.

5.      Rebuilding trust. This should be done simultaneously while revitalizing your relationship. The person that hurt you should be working diligently towards making you feel secure in trusting them once again. Be open to their love, affection, and attempts to rectify their wrongs. If you hold a grudge, you may be stuck in this rut for a lifetime.

It's also important to let the other party involved, especially if it's your spouse, know that it's okay to trust you. If their mistake was brutal enough, they're likely expecting you to reciprocate and get revenge. Make an honest effort to reassure them that you wish to reconcile and start anew. 

To move forward, you must be willing to let go of everything you once thought was true and form a new reality together. This is the foundation for truly forgiving and forgetting.

But in this case, it takes two to tango. Both you and the other party involved must be willing to make an honest effort. Though it may seem unfair to ask you to make an effort when you're the one that's been wronged, this is the price you pay for freeing yourself from those toxic shackles. 

People do change. Trust can be restored if both parties in the relationship are willing to work at it. While the healing process may take time, two people who are willing to reconcile and consistently seek each other's happiness will experience that happiness for themselves and an intimate relationship that will withstand the test of time.

I would like to recommend to you an old times Christian gospel song, "freely freely", I pray that you will find complete freedom in forgiveness.

 

The Elderly of the Miao Clan 苗家寨的老人



你看到她们眼里的胆怯和漠然吗?

 

这是其中一张让我感动的照片.它不是拍得有多好,也没有什么特别的美感,只是它有这两个老人那种带点无奈,略显怯然的眼神.你看到了吗?

当时,我将要离开苗家寨,离开这个人山人海,非常商业化的旅游景点.突然,我捕捉到这两个老人漠然看着游客的眼神.

我可以肯定苗家寨里的每个年轻的"阿哥"和"阿妹"都非常专业和亲切地为人潮汹涌的旅客解说,他们也希望旅客能掏腰包买点湘西的毛尖茶回去,从中赚点利润,改善穷苦的生活.

这里的人民本来生活非常穷困,三餐不继和孩子辍学是平常事.当中国娱乐圈出了一个从这里冒出来又很会唱歌的苗族女子,宋祖英,竟然改变了这个少数民族的命运.她不断向中国和海外推荐这片土地,也把一笔笔的捐款带回家乡做发展,最后政府拨款使它摇身一变成为一个热闹的旅游点.

诚然,苗族能出头,离开赤贫是一件可喜的事.

湘西毛尖茶

可从这两个老人的眼神里,我看见这飞速的发展和前进让她们有了无所适从的感觉.几年来,这里不再是她们熟悉的宁静田园,他们离开"日出而做,日落而息"的生活.每天坐在门前看着熙来嚷往的游客,她们纯朴的头脑出现个问题:"这些人为什么总是那么匆忙啊?"

苗族老人的生活环境改善了,钱也涌进来了.可是,她们似乎失去了点什么,是一点原始的纯真?还是悠闲的自在?

 

我想,她们真正失去的是自己吧?



Thanksgiving - A Blessed Life

Thanksgiving - A Blessed Life

Galatians 6:7-8: "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. For he that sows to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that sows to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting."

Why are we so mean in expressing our gratitude? You have the luxury of living your joyous life every single day of the year. So make it a point to recognize your blessings and remind yourself that showing gratitude for all you already have only does more to attract further blessings into your life.

Try showing gratitude to God and men, you will be surprised at the abundance pouring into your life:

1. You'll be thankful for the little things. When you're in a positive mindset, you'll learn to appreciate the little things. The sweetest blessings come in the smallest forms. Once you learn to love, recognize, and be thankful for the little things in life, your quality of life will increase because you'll be aware of how fortunate you really are.

·  Your daughter giving you a drawing that says, "Number one mom!" or your husband picking up your favorite flavor of ice cream are things that you should be thankful for. Your daughter thinks you're a rock star and you have a considerate spouse. How awesome!

2.  You'll develop impeccable radar. If you often reflect on the fortunate events in your life, you'll be able to spot a good opportunity a mile away. For example, you'll be able to smell a promotion in the works or an opportunity to bring your family closer.

·  Actively seeking new opportunities to increase your personal quality of life and that of the ones nearest and dearest to your heart will fill your heart with accomplishment.

3.  Giving to the less fortunate. When you're thankful for the bed you sleep in at night, the roof shielding your family from the cold, the family on your couch and the food on your plates, you're well aware of how fortunate you are. As a result, you're more likely to jump at the opportunity to help someone in a worse position.

· The smallest efforts from you could make a world of a difference in the life of another. Helping your neighbor craft his resume will help him provide for his family. Donating your used clothing will help keep the homeless warm. And taking part in a walk for breast cancer may give someone else the opportunity to live another day.

·         When you help others, you help yourself in many ways.

4. You'll reach higher. Your grateful ways are a blessing. You appreciate life more intensely when you're grateful. You also see each day as another chance to bring more joy to your reality, lifestyle, and future.

·  It's perfectly normal to be grateful for what you have, yet often desire to reach for more. Constantly improving your life is a good thing for you and your family.

5.  Taking others into consideration. When you're satisfied with your life and feel genuinely happy, you tend to treat others very kindly. You'll be more likely to hold the door open at the mall for a stranger or pick up a fallen cane for an elderly man. Your own happiness is magnified when you help bring joy to others.

Your life begins to take a turn for the better when you keep in mind how fortunate you really are. The smallest details can boost your spirits. The misfortune of others will prompt you to help them seek support, and life just begins to look a little brighter. 

 Starting today, take your positive mindset to new heights and make every day a personal day of thanksgiving!

BGR – What is its? What the Big Deal?

 BGR – What is its? What the Big Deal?

When I browsed through some of the old stuffs in my computer hard disk with the intention to clear some space for new addition, I came across Wynne's article written many years back. My daughter was still a teenager and went through the usual BGR issue in her life. I was kind of surprised that Wynne could write something with much thoughts and probably her own emotional feelings about this subject. I just share this with you all and prayerfully it may help some young people, and surely it can help some parents too.

Happy Reading!

Wynne's Star Newspaper’s NIE (Newspaper In Education) Article on BGR

BGR – What is its? What the Big Deal?

BGR…… It’s an acronym for Boy Girl Relationship. To make things simple, BGR is the interaction between the opposite sex, mainly in the adolescence stage.

Since the existence of man, there has been an attraction between the opposite sex.

In the past, the Chinese had their ways of dealing with marriage. It was more of a must than a want, especially in families of high social status. Bride and groom usually did not meet until the wedding day itself. Sad to say, the poor bride, with no courage to muster up a “no” on her big day, will usually elope with her chosen groom.

Westerners may have a good laugh, but wait just yet! Things aren’t any better in the West. Who could forget Romeo and Juliet by the famous William Shakespeare? Romeo and Juliet’s family were archenemies, leaving their secret affair forbidden and unspoken. We follow the two as they fought silently for their right to find true love. Like every tragic drama, death comes knocking at their doorstep and we find our lovers kicking the bucket side by side in the end of this beautiful classic. The devastating ending was so mind blowing, even today, people are still studying or writing songs about them. “Love Story” by award-winning Taylor Swift is one of the many examples. BGR was more constricted to the will of parents and family arrangements. This usually results in tragedies rather than happy-ever-afters.

But lucky for us, we do not live in the past anymore. Things are very different right now, with feminism finally kicking in! BGR is not only the most popular theme pop songs are based on, it also dances among teenagers all around the world.

BGR for Teenagers

Teens who are involved in BGR generally range from 15 to 25 years of age. Of course, with movies and songs promoting BGR everyday, even little 10 year olds are boasting about their 'other-halves' to their friends.

How do teenagers of today define BGR? Interviewing students from different cliques in school, the answers we get are almost similar. Apparently, according to teens, BGR includes the following: reminding each other constantly how much they adore each other, having a special someone to give hugs, hold hands with or talk to 24/7, having somebody to run to when things get tough. Some girls have also pointed out that they enjoy the thrill of a guy showering them with little presents and surprises on Valentines’ Day or birthdays. Ahh... the innocence of grown ups-to-be.

So, why has BGR created controversies among educators and parents all over the world? Let’s take a look at BGR in the entertainment industry. Many of us have heard the recent case of Jamie Spears (the sister to the fallen pop princess, Britney Spears). Jamie Spears was reportedly pregnant with her boyfriend’s child. She is merely a teenager, no older than 20 years of age. She has also mentioned she is enjoying every second of being a mother. What does this imply? What other than teen motherhood stardom? She was criticized for being a terrible role model for little girls watching her family-friendly TV series, Zoey 101 at home. What happened to the innocent little Jamie we used to adore? The answer is simple. She started too early.

 BGR is extremely common among teenagers. They engage in a special relationship at a very early stage of life. Little do they realize that they may have mistaken mere ‘infatuation’ with what they call L-O-V-E.

Now, do not take this the wrong way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being in love. However, the problem with relationships between youngsters is the lack of maturity and sense of responsibility. Without being equipped with both these qualities, there is no stopping foolish actions couples indulge in when involved in a relationship. Jamie Spears is a very obvious example of immaturity and irresponsibility of both male and female in a relationship, which leads to premarital sex and finally, premarital pregnancy.

What Parents are Concerned?

The question posed most often by parents is: What should I do with my son or daughter involved in BGR?

These are some guidelines when dealing with your teenager’s BGR problems.

NOT forbid the relationship
The first and most important thing parents should bear in mind is, DO NOT forbid the relationship. Why? Let’s just say Romeo and Juliet did not share a happy ending.

In that case, what should I do about my teenager? The key to all relationships, as mentioned before, is maturity and responsibility. You lose nothing in introducing these two qualities to your child, however young he or she is. Mature and responsible teenagers do not tend to anything immoral out of impulse or when facing temptation. You can count on them to be rational when doing anything, whether it is being involved in a relationship or not. It’s like striking two birds with a stone!

Remind your child that he or she has a supportive family behind him or her

Secondly, the wisest thing to do is: Remind your child that he or she has a supportive family behind him or her. The last thing you want your children to resort to is getting sweet-talked into doing foolish things or eloping with their lovers. Therefore, a warm and loving family is what they need most. Remind them constantly that you would always be there for them when they encounter relationship problems. Just a little tip: It helps if you say it in a light, encouraging tone. Your teenager is no longer the little boy or girl who obeys every word you say. They need to be convinced that you truly care and want the best for them.

With all that said, you probably have a brief idea about BGR, more or less.

BGR can be a blessing or, if dealt with poorly, a beast that may ruin a very promising teenager. Blessing or beast? You play a part.

Book Review on "The 5 Languages of Love"

Book Review on "The 5 Languages of Love" by Dr. Gary Chapman

In June 2011, Julia and I were in Harbin China giving some basic teaching on marriage relationships and communication skills, albeit it was mainly within Christian and church context. We were quite surprised to know that the marital problems in China are no less severe as compared to the West. Many unhappy marriages are not reported and highlighted in the country. Culturally, marriage problems are viewed as shameful and dishonoring to the family’s name. They don’t talk about it, much less would it become part of country’s statistics.    

Not long after we came back home, we felt that we needed to upgrade our family knowledge and marriage counseling skills, so we attended a marriage seminar organized by “Focus in the Family”. It was in that seminar that Julia bought “The 5 Love Languages” written by Dr. Gary Chapman. It costs us Thirty Seven Ringgit and Ninety Sen (Malaysian currency).

I gathered that Dr. Gary Chapman’s book has the main intention to help couples identify, understand, and speak their spouse’s primary love language. By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover each other’s unique love languages and learn some practical steps in truly loving each other. 

The Book goes in great depth on the 5 different Love Languages:

• Words of Affirmation (You are beautiful. Your dinner is so delicious.)
• Quality Time (Spend time talking to me instead of watching a movie)
• Receiving Gifts (Buy me flowers, jewelries, chocolates, kitchen utensils)
• Acts of Service (Wash my car. Bring rubbish outside after dinner.)
• Physical Touch (Holding hands, massages)

Dr. Gary Chapman explains that your love language is the way that one knows that he or she is loved. For example while I might be thankful that my wife is buying me a nice birthday present (Receiving Gifts), I'd much prefer her to tidy up the house and avoid all the clutters in the rooms (Acts of Service). Of course, every couple is unique and your love language may be different.

When I read through the book, I quickly tried to figure out the primary love languages to my family members. Well, at least I thought that was the first thing I should be doing. Very methodically, I had the following categories:

• Julia, my wife - Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch
• Aloysius, my son - Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts
• Wynne, my daughter - Receiving Gifts and Quality Time
• Myself -  Acts of Service

One of the most interesting parts of this book is Dr. Chapman’s writing style. It is very easy reading, filled with solid and real examples of his clients. He describes each love language in great details, giving us the signs and how they are manifest in real life examples. The stories can draw out reader’s much emotions. You will have no difficulty identifying with some situations written in the book. 

I am a typical man who finds it hard to verbalize “love”. I was deeply rooted in the culture that I was brought up; a man loves his wife by taking care of her financial and physical needs and doing many things for her. Sad to say, my love language does not match Julia’s very well. What she desires most is to have a husband who can say complementary words and praises, and at the same time show appropriate intimacy in physical touch. Well, over 20 over long years, we are adjusting to each other’s needs and accepting each other’s weaknesses too.

I would recommend “The 5 Love Languages” should be read by all courting couples before they decide to marry each other. It helps you to know your boy friend or girl friend better, and it also give you some indicative signs whether both of you are compatible and whether you are able to work through those differences together.

Married couples should also read this book. We may be married for decades but we may not know what our spouse’ primary love language is. We may be working hard to “love” but your spouse just couldn’t feel your “love” at all. How tragic it is if a marriage is heading towards a divorce simply because one party has genuinely tried his or her best, but the other doesn’t feel love at all. I believe many marital problems can be solved if the couples will read and practice what the book says.

The author is a Christian. He mentioned God a few times in the book. But the book is not preachy and religious. I strongly believe that the readers need not be Christians or have any religion or belief to benefit from this book. The principles are universal to men and women all over the world, regardless of cultural and religious background.

Dr. Chapman has also created different versions of the book to suit different people. Some examples of the versions include The Five Love Languages for

• Men
• Children
• Teenagers
• Singles
• Apology

You need to have time to read through the book. It is useful that husband and wife, or courting couples, will read it together and discuss about the 5 love languages. You will be surprised how revealing it can be. I strongly believe that by going through this exercise, you open up communication channels for you both to understand each other better, the result is your relationship will be strengthened.

Parenting By Examples

Parenting By Examples

Children Imitate

One of the key characteristics of children is that they love imitate. Whatever they see and hear, there is some kind of urge within them to follow the example. Child psychologists believe that children learn to imitate at a very young age.

Imitation is the way that children learn about themselves, other people and their environment. When they see how adults and older children behave, they will quickly learn what the acceptable behaviors in the family and at schools are. Similarly, they learn how to take care of themselves by observing how others are taking care of themselves. Adults tend to make verbal instructions to help children learn the right actions at the right time. But do you realize that our actions speak much louder than words. This is especially so in the case of children. Simple tasks like not eating foods drop to the ground, washing hands before meals and changing clothes when they get dirty are more imitating actions rather than listening to instructions.

Parents spend the most time with young children

At this tender age, who are the people these children are contacting each day? Before they go to school, they probably spend most of their time inside the house with parents, relatives and nanny. Without you knowing it, your child is watching at you very closely and modeled the behaviors and beliefs after you. Sounds scary, right? The impact you have upon the child is much greater than you think. Your way of life creates permanent images that will shape this little life for many years to come.

Parenting skills are progressively learned

As parents, I have no doubt of your love for your children. You probably try your best to take good care of their physical, emotional and spiritual development needs. However, we aren’t perfect. Despite of our best effort to love them in utmost good faith, we may not have enough knowledge and experiences to fulfill our parental role wisely. This is especially true when we have our first child. We make mistakes (sometimes they can have terrible impact on the child’s life) as we pick up parenting skills along the way.

We learn to love our children responsibly and consistently.

1)   Good Relationships within Family Members

One of the common mistakes parents make is being unaware of how your relationships with each other, with your parents and other family members are also part of your child’s life. Sometimes it is wiser to shield your young children from emotional and psychological harm by not showing the strife and hurt happening in the adult world. These young souls are just not ready to make any sense out of the complicated and dysfunctional relationships. They can pick up your attitudes and emotions easily and that creates insecurity within them.  Your bitterness and resentment are strangely passed down to the young generations, sometimes without valid reasons. When you realize that you have made a mistake, it is always a good idea that you courageously admit your wrong doing and communicate your remorse and sorry honestly with all family members.

2)   Show the Children that You Take Good Care of Yourself

When we are parents, we tend to focus our attention on what’s the best for our children. Naturally we are slowly and consistently neglecting our own needs. We need to remember that your children and the family are depending on you physically and emotionally.  Parents can have the false guilt when they enjoy their lives as if they are committing an unforgivable sin to relax and pay attention on their needs.  Family psychologists think otherwise. When you show your children that you love and take good care of yourself, it is an excellent way to teach them self-esteem. You need to plan for some activities of your own interests like going for a singing session with old friends or having a romantic candle light dinner with your spouse. You are living with example to demonstrate that you are a human with own interests and needs. Your children have to understand and respect that without manipulating your guilt conscience.  This will also help them to model this important parenting skill from you when they are ready to be parents next time. In fact, it is also a test to see whether the children can do well without you with them for a while.

3)  Show the Children that you and Your Spouse are in Love

I have seen many cases of tragic marriage where the mother focuses her attention fully on the children and continually neglects her relationship with the husband. Some husbands become angry and moody. They punish the children often for no good reason. Some husbands give up on the marriage and start having affairs with other women outside. Remember, husband and wife is first and foremost a loving couple, then you learn to be good and responsible parents. Nurturing the marriage relationship is essential in bringing up a healthy family.  You communicate in a positive and healthy manner with your spouse, and show love and affection for one another. Your loving relationship teaches your child at the early years on what a healthy marriage should be like.

The Wooden Bowl Story

Let me share a short Chinese story to drive the point home.

Once upon a time, in a village lived a couple. They lived with their only young son and an elderly mother. The old mother’s hands were weak that she could not hold a bowl properly. She broke a few porcelain bowls. The daughter-in-law complaint and made the mother a wooden bowl and asked her to have her meals outside the house.

Few years passed, the old mother died. At the burial, the couple threw the wooden bowl away. The young son quickly picked it up and asked, “Dear mom and dad, why did you throw the wooden bowl away?” The mother said, “We do not need it anymore. Your grandma has passed away.” The young son replied, “Mom. Please do not waste the wooden bowl. I want to keep it for you to use when you are older. I just need to make another wooden bowl for dad. “

Attitude is passed down to your children without you even noticing it.

Do As I Say and As I Do

Very soon you’ll realize that your children are patterning many of their behaviors, attitudes and actions after your own. To be responsible and loving parents, we are to ensure what we say and what we do around the children will build a strong sense of security and self esteem.

Like Mother Teresa, she walks her talk